There is nothing more earth shattering than finding that your relationship and partner are not what you thought they were. Loss of trust on the one hand, and guilt on the other, are the primary painful feelings in this situation. Healing from infidelity is one of the most challenging issues a couple must face. But, as they say, conflict is growth waiting to happen.
We specialize in Imago Relationship Therapy. First we help with the chaotic, traumatic feelings that people come in with. Then, we work with those who are willing to be committed to healing. There are no villains or victims in our work, but two hurting people needing to heal.
Imago therapy gives communication skills to the partners, so that each learns to really listen to each other about the affair, feel empathy, and begin to understand how this happened in the first place. We work on what triggered the affair, which often uncovers unmet childhood needs that were not met for either partner. We also learn how we chose each of the partners in the first place, often repeating painful childhood roles with our parents, or their relationship.
So the partner who reminds us of our childhood pain can lovingly provide for the unmet needs now, and you can each be healers of the other. This is the time for genuine apology and forgiveness. With new understanding of how your relationship developed, and what you want for the future, you can fall in love with each other and be loved for who you really are. You can reach new feelings of joy that perhaps you never had in the relationship.
Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength.
― Sigmund Freud