There is nothing more earth shattering than finding that your relationship and partner are not what you thought they were. Loss of trust on the one hand, and guilt on the other, are the primary painful feelings in this situation. Healing from infidelity is one of the most challenging issues a couple must face. But, as they say, conflict is growth waiting to happen.
Many people have never questioned their biases toward gays and lesbians. The culture and the families they grew up in excluded and hated people who were different from their own sexual orientation. They were disgusted by sexuality outside the norm, as if what gay people do in bed defined them. (Do heterosexuals define themselves by what they do in bed?)
I see this so much in my office, couples wanting to re-hash a week old argument and wanting me to judge who’s right. Detail by detail they correct each other, exactly who said what, who did what first, as if each admitted detail is a score toward the finish line. But nobody really gets anywhere because there are no winners in an argument between partners.