How do you know when it’s time to have a baby? As a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, I frequently hear that question from my couples. The answer is much simpler than you might expect. The answer to the question is… a question. (Don’t you just hate when therapists do that? Sorry. But this is so important.)
Are you ready to give to another little human being? Giving and having are polar opposites, pretty much the same as giving and getting.
People who are mostly interested in having a baby are often the ones who want a little replica of themselves to play with, like a new doll. A boy or girl with your lips and my eyes…that kind of thing. They’re excited about decorating a nursery, buying those cute, I mean really cute baby clothes…that kind of thing. Names are fun too.
But the reality of it all is that that’s just the frosting on the cake. The CAKE is the desire to nurture another human being. To love that little person unconditionally. To willingly go without sleep, forgo your own interests, clean up vomit and excrement, love whoever arrives into your life (male or female, beautiful or not, genius or not, healthy or disabled )…that kind of thing. The kind of thing every child deserves when he or she arrives into a family. The kind of thing that you would want for yourself. That you deserved and still deserve. (That will be another post.)
Do you want to give unconditionally to a baby, no matter the personal self sacrifice? Go for it! Do you have some reservations about the unconditional thing? Then wait..think about it. Because the thing of it is, there’s no turning back once your imperfect child arrives. And since nobody is perfect, your child will feel your disappointment. Is that what you want?
See? The answer is easy.
©2014 Maggie Vlazny