There is nothing more earth shattering than finding that your relationship and partner are not what you thought they were.  Loss of trust on the one hand, and guilt on the other, are the primary painful feelings in this situation. Healing from infidelity is one of the most challenging issues a couple must face. But, as they say, conflict is growth waiting to happen.

"You shouldn’t feel that way!"  Really? Why not? So often parents or partners are annoyed by your feelings, which only makes you feel worse. They are discounting your emotions because they don’t want to deal with the issue at hand.

Think of your life as a movie.  You are the star and you see the supporting actors. The script was written partly by the screenplay you landed in, and partly written by you. Yes, you. 

I see this so much in my office, couples wanting to re-hash a week old argument and wanting me to judge who’s right. Detail by detail they correct each other, exactly who said what, who did what first, as if each admitted detail is a score toward the finish line. But nobody really gets anywhere because there are no winners in an argument between partners.

Everyone wonders about this. Do our friends have sex more often than we do? Does anyone else have this problem in which one partner has high desire, and the other one has little to none? We must be really weird. Everyone wants sex, don't they?

“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.” Yehuda Berg